You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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