I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
