Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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