I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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