You made me cry and you don't even care
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize