Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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