He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
