just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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