We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dick has a subreddit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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