I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
