I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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