I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
