id be glad to
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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