I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
