Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
