smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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