Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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