a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
