I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
