If i come over, it means nothing
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
