Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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