whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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