I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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