those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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