he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
