I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
