I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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