can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize