i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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