In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
