Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
