i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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