She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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