theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
