im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
