i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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