Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
