Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
