i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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