So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
