No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
