dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
