Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
