Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
