She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
