just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
