people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
