After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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