i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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