Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
