I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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