I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
