You made me cry and you don't even care
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
