There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
