Me too!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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