My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
