i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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