oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
