Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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