he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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