I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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