Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
