WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
